Ninth Millennium Item
by Elliot Pole
Summary: The Millennium Rye gives someone the power to become the greatest duelist in the world.  Who will control it, and why?  Food based cards galore, such as Yeast Dread Rolls and Heinz 57 Ketchup Blaster!
1. Chapter 1

**The Ninth Millennium Item**

**Chapter One**

Yes, you read that right. It was previously supposed that there were only seven, and these seven are all one needs to take over the world. But the original maker of the millennium items knew the power of the number three, and thus nine were made, a multiple of three.

Here are the names of the first eight, for your convenience:

Millennium Puzzle

Millennium Eye

Millennium Necklace

Millennium Key

Millennium Scales

Millennium Rod

Millennium Ring

The Pyramid of Light

However, they are subjects for another day, and now it's time to proceed with the story about their ninth brother.

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Ammon sat on his throne, before four of his loyal shadow puppets. Their names were Razoul, Scoby, Minkth, and Dextel. All five beings were filled with hatred of some of the most prominent duelists in the world, including Yugi Mutuo..

"Servants, cronies, sycophants, whatever you wish to be called, today is our day for attacking our enemies," Ammon said, confidently.

"But the best monster in my deck is Uraby!" Dextel whined.

"However, you have a ton of Dinosaur support, which I gave you yesterday. Today's a perfect day to attack."

"How is it going to be different from any other day?" Scoby wondered.

"Because we have this!" Ammon said, holding up a cylindrical white package.

"Uh...boss, I don't think a loaf of bread is going to help us win," Minkth said, matter-of-factly.

"What's in the package is not a loaf of bread - it's a millennium item!"

"Okay, if you say so, but how is that going to help us?" Scoby asked.

"Because it has the power to make whoever's holding it the best duelist in the world!" Ammon replied, triumphantly.

"Great! Which one of us is going to get it?" Scoby asked.

"I say me; I have the weakest deck!" Dextel exclaimed.

"No! No one is getting it; at least none of you Shadow Puppets! This is meant as a trap."

"A trap, boss?" Scoby asked. (Scoby was the most inquisitive one.)

"Yes, a trap. What we're going to do is leave this here package outside a barn on the road called Ladursky. Some bum is going to pick it up, and become the greatest duelist on Earth."

"Why let some bum become so powerful and leave us-" Minkth began.

"Because I say so, that's why! Now, Razoul, I want you to deliver the package; you are the most responsible one."

"I would be honored, sir," Razoul replied, reaching for it.

"Hold on," Ammon said, impatiently, for Dextel was dancing around the room with a Duel Monsters card he had picked up off the ground. "I want you to make sure that the person who receives the millennium item is not Zoole the baker."

"Why not him?"

"Because he'll mess up all our plans. Believe me, I know."

"Okay, boss," Razoul said, this time really receiving the package.

"Now, my Shadow Puppets, one final message. You guys are to go to the bank in Chevvy, and there stay put until Razoul completes his task. Razoul, you will report to said bank afterwards, and all four will await further instructions. Clear?"

"_Si,"_ they all said.

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As promised, Razoul left the package on Ladursky road, but he did not obey the last order regarding it. That is, he didn't make sure Zoole the baker was not the recipient before he Apparated to the bank in Chevvy.

Eventually a man saw the package in the ground and picked it up. He examined it very carefully. The front of the package had large golden letters on it, which read: The Millennium Rye, Very Fragile. There was also a message underneath it:

"The possessor of this artifact will be the best duelist in the world."

_Oh_ _boy, _the man thought. _Now I can duel anyone in_ _the world, and win!_

The man searches everywhere for an opponent: the Dueling Rink, the _Duel_ Monsters Hideaway, a store that sold nothing but Duel Monsters products, and even Duel Next, a new place for dueling. No one was anywhere. Finally, he met a kid with bright, sun-dried hair on the road called Insurn. They duelled.

Twenty minutes later, the man was furious. His Dark Necrofear had been destroyed by the kid's Lightning Vortex. Then Flame Wingman attacked him directly, after which De-Fusion was played and E-Hero Burstinatrix and E-Hero Avian attacked him for game.

"But I'm the best duelist in the world!" he shouted in frustration.

The kid just ran away, laughing.

The man began to cry. Even a stupid millennium item couldn't make him a better duelist.

"Stop crying, you, and pick yourself up!" shouted a small, green cricket carrying an umbrella.

"Jiminy, what are you doing here?" the man asked, sheepishly.

"I'm here because I'm your conscience. Since you started using that new deck of yours, it's been very hard to contact you. Why did you change?"

"You know very well why I changed! It was her! I lost to Esmerelda in our match, and I couldn't stand the humiliation! So I changed my deck-type to make it stronger."

"That was a really stupid move," the cricket said. "How are you supposed to win with DARK monsters when you're so full of life? I would've thought you were better than that."

"But DARK monsters always win! Dark Magician, and Exodia, and Red Eyes Black Dragon, Time Wizard...and...and..."

"Blue Eyes White Dragon?" the cricket offered.

"Yes!" the man exclaimed.

"Blue Eyes is a LIGHT monster."

"Oh...right."

"Now, let me tell you why you lost. DARK monsters are not your style. Sure, they are unavoidable in the best decks, but you can't have a deck dominated by them. So go get your old deck, and trust me, you'll become the best duelist on Earth."

The man obeyed his "concience" and went home to get his old deck.

After that, he searched for an opponent, and once again duelists were scarce. Finally, he met a girl with long, purple hair, and asked her if she knew anything about Duel Monsters.

"Do I? I'd have to be an imbecile if I didn't; my Auntie Rebecca Hawkins taught me."

The man began to sweat. _Rebecca Hawkins? She's one of the best duelists in her field! I can't duel her niece!_

"Yes, you can," the cricket said, so softly that only the man could hear. "You have the Millennium Rye."

"Oh, right. Well, then Beauty, I challenge you to a duel!"

"I'm sorry, but I can't duel a stranger."

"Then I guess I'll have to make myself a familiar," the man said, while the cricket smacked his head. "My name is Zoole the baker. You can just call me Baker."

"And I'm Mary Frances Nolan. I prefer to be called Francie, however, if you don't mind."

"Why not, babe?" the baker said.

"My god, he's in love with her!" the cricket exclaimed, unable to believe that he had to work with this incompetent fool.

4000/4000

Francie: Let me start things off by summoning Luster Dragon in attack mode! Then I'll set two cards face-down and end my turn!

Baker: Great, my sweet! I'll just summon Mystic Tomato in attack mode, and set three face-down cards. Then it's your go.

Francie: Fine! Luster Dragon attacks your Mystic Tomato!

Baker: Not so fast! Reveal face-down card, Heinz 57 Ketchup Blaster! This handy-dandy card can only be activated when I have a Mystic Tomato or a Hungry Burger on my side of the Field! One of your monsters is destroyed, and in its place, you can Special Summon 1 Level 5 or above Normal Monster from your Deck.

Francie: Then I Special Summon Luster Dragon #2, and attack you with it!

Baker: You can't attack, due to my trap card's effect, which says that any monster Special Summoned by its effect cannot attack during the turn it is summoned.

Francie: Whatever. Just make your move.

Baker: I shall. And I'll start by summoning Yeast Dread Roll (Level 2/EARTH/ Zombie/ATK 500 DEF 300) in attack mode! Then I'll activate my face-down card, The League of Uniform Nomenclature, to summon two more Yeast Dread Rolls from my Deck!

Three ugly, dried up bread rolls now stood next to a tomato with a horrifying grin. They were all facing a shining dragon, and only the dragon was pleasant to look at.

Baker: And that's just for starters. For now I equip Chthonian Alliance to one of my Yeast Dread Rolls, increasing his attack to 2100!

Francie: It's still not strong enough to beat my Luster Dragon #2!

Baker: Ah, but it will be, my sweet. For now I have Mystic Tomato attack your dragon!

Francie: But it'll be destroyed!

Baker: Do you think I care? Or maybe I want it to be. Now, do it, Extreme Juicy Haze!

Francie: Luster Dragon #2, counter with Legendary Diamond Strike.

The horrible tomato spun like a top and sent its juice toward the shining dragon, but the latter deflected it. Shards of glass seemed to pour from the dragon's mouth and fall on the tomato, which made it look like it was having a muscle spasm.

3000/4000

Baker: Now I can Special Summon from my Deck, the almighty Country Crock - Cinnamon (Level 4/DARK/Fairy/ATK 1400/DEF 1000) in attack mode! And you know what that means!

Francie: Actually, I don't.

Baker: It means that all of my yeast rolls get my new monster's full attack points added to their own, for this turn anyways. So my strongest one now has 3500 ATK points, and he attacks your Luster Dragon #2!

Francie winces as her dragon goes down.

3000/2900

Baker: And know my other two Yeast Dread Rolls can attack you directly!

Francie: Not if I can help it! Activate Hallowed Life Barrier! By discarding just 1 card from my hand, I can escape all damage this turn.

Baker: Wow, you're a great duelist, you know that, Francie?

She ignores him. _This is_ _exactly what happened last time, _Jiminy thinks. _He fell in love with Esmeralda and threw the match to her._

Francie: Now I summon Don Zaloog, and have him attack one of your 500ATK Dread Rolls!

A man with short purple hair appeared on the field, and attacked one of the ugly Zombies as his master ordered. The breadlike substance shrieked in horror as it was slashed with Zaloog's slender sword.

Francie: Now, thanks to his effect, you must remove two cards from the top of your Deck. Then I set one face-down card, and end my turn.

2100/2900

Baker: I summon The Bistro Butcher! Then I activate my face-down card, Next to be Lost, to send 1 'The Bistro Butcher' from my Deck to the Graveyard.

Francie: Why the heck would you want to do that?

Baker: Eh...don't worry about my motive for such things, sweet. Just watch me play cards. Now, I activate Gather Your Mind! This allows me to grab another Gather Your Mind from my Deck! Isn't that simply awesome!

Francie: Your strategy doesn't seem to make any sense at all.

Baker: It doesn't, eh? Well, we'll see about that. The Bistro Butcher, attack Don Zaloog!

The fiendish chef with blue skin Baker had just summoned vibrated with life as he took his butchering sword and tried to make salami out of Don Zaloog.

2100/2500

Baker: Now, Country Crock - Cinnamon and my two remaining Dread Rolls attack you directly!

Francie: Hah! Activate Mirror Force to destroy all your monsters!

Baker: Why didn't you use that before The Bistro Butcher attacked you?

Francie: Why else? I wanted the free cards.

Baker: You are really smart, Francie.

Francie: Enough flattery, and it's my move! Now this is something! I summon Sea Serpent Warrior of Darkness in attack mode and have him attack you directly!

A sea monster wielding a trident appeared and did as his master bid.

0300/2500

Francie: Then I set two cards face-down and end my turn.

Baker: I need something really good. (He draws.)

Jiminy, looking over his shoulder says, "Perfect just what you needed."

Baker: Okay, I activate Gather Your Mind again, getting my third and last Gather Your Mind. Then I set one monster face-down.

A horizontal board appeared in front of Baker.

Francie: My move. And I summon Amazoness Paladin in attack mode! And thanks to her effect, she gains 100 ATK points for each Amazoness on the field. Then I have my Sea Serpent attack your face-down!

Baker: Thank you, my sweet. You see, you just destroyed my Nimble Momonga, and that means that I gain 1000 LP!

1300/2500

Baker: But that's not all! Two more face-down Nimble Momongas take the place of the one that was just lost!

Francie: Well, one's about to get a ticket straight to the Graveyard. My Amazoness Paladin attacks it.

Baker: Oh, boo hoo! Another 1000 LP to me!

2300/2500

Francie: Just go!

Baker: Gladly, my sweet. And now I draw, then set one face-down card. Activate Emergency Provisions to destroy my face-down and gain yet another 1000 LP!

Francie: Oh no, that's not going to work. Activate face-down, Magic Jammer! By discarding one card from my hand, your spell fails!

Baker: Oh well, you can't blame a man for trying. I end my turn.

Jiminy shakes his head. "You better hope she destroys your face-down card, because you need to be field-less and hand-less, and have exactly twenty cards in your Graveyard, before the Millenium Rye can activate."

Baker: You told me before!

Francie (thinking he's addressing her): I told you what before?

Baker: Never mind.

Francie: Well, anyways, I sacrifice my Amazoness Paladin in order to summon Airknight Parshath! Then I activate my face-down card, Call of the Haunted, to Special Summon Luster Dragon from my Grave! And now I activate Stamping Destruction, to destroy your face-down card along with 500 of your Life Points!

Baker: I was hoping you'd rid my field of that card.

Francie: But it was just Gather Your Mind, wasn't it? There was nothing special about it, surely?

Baker: No, nothing special.

Francie: Oh, whatever. Airknight Parshath attacks your face-down!

Baker: Yay! I get 1000 LP!

Francie: And then lose 1800.

Baker: How's that? My monster was in defense mode.

Francie: And my Airknight takes out Life Points whenever it destroys a monster in defens mode.

Baker: Oh...right.

1000/2500

Francie: Then, since I'm very generous, I won't have my other monsters attack you, this turn.

Baker: Thank you.

Francie: But I will activate Goblin Thief, to raise my Life Points by 500 and decrease yours by the same amount. That's all for now.

0500/3000

Suddenly, the Millenium Rye begins to glow a bright gold. The baker's appearance changes to that of a very tall, slender man with an aquiline nose and long dark hair. His sidewhiskers reminded one of Elvis Presley. His voice became a deep tenor, nothing like what he had been using his whole life. Even his Duel Disk changed. It was now blood-red and even looked like the inside of a person's heart, with aorta, ventricles, and such. His deck was glowing as well. Francie was astonished, and sort of grossed out at the look of the Duel Disk.

Yami Baker: Now I draw! Ah...I activate Card of Sanctity!

Francie: How do you have a card that powerful in your deck?

Yami Baker: I didn't until a few seconds ago. But now we must each draw until we have six cards in our hands. Now, I'm no meterologist, but I think there's a 100 chance that there'll be a Heavy Storm blowing in! Ah, look, here it comes now!

A spell card showing whirling winds and a few windswept monsters appeared on the Field. All of Francie's Spells and Traps were destroyed, as well as Luster Dragon.

Yami Baker: I Special Summon Cyber Dragon! If that weren't enough, here comes Raigeki to clear the field of excessive baggage!

A quick flash of lightning struck Airknight Parshath and Francie's Sea Serpent.

Yami Baker: Now you are Defense-less! I summon La Jinn, Mystical Genie of the Lamp from my Hand! Unfortunately, I'm very generous just like you are, and I activate Card Destruction to destroy one of my cards and all six of yours!

They both draw their new cards.

Francie: I get to summon my Watapon, since it can be summoned whenever it's drawn.

Yami Baker: Big deal, for now, my sweet, I activate Pot of Greed! Two more cards from my Deck. Ah, perfect. Activate Magical Dimension! By sacrificing my La Jinn, I can Summon Dark Magician Girl from my hand, and destroy your Watapon to boot!

Francie: No! I shouldn't have given you a chance!

Yami Baker: Hey, you had no way of knowing that my Deck could get this powerful! Now, Cyber Dragon and Dark Magician Girl, attack Francie directly!

0500/0000

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Miles away and just after the baker had drawn Card of Sanctity Yugi Mutuo was in a duel with Razoul.

_Aunt Jemina?_ Yugi wonders, puzzled at the card he just drew. _I didn't put this in my deck! Perhaps Joey... Oh well; I'll deal with him later._

"I activate Monster Reborn! And I choose to bring back my Dark Magician!"

A few minutes passed, and when no spellcaster came to answer the call, the King of Games began to get worried. "I said, return from the Graveyard, Dark Magician!"

_Not responding, _the Duel Disk read.

"Not responding? What's wrong with this thing? Oh well, I'll just revive Beta the Magnet Warrior!"

_Still not responding._

"WHAT?!? That is it! I've had it! It's like none of my monsters exist in my Graveyard anymore! O.K., all I can do is revive your Blindly Loyal Goblin, Razoul."

"As you wish, King of Games," the Shadow Puppet jeered.

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Ammon witnessed the duel with Yugi, and smiled. The plan had worked.


	2. Chapter 2

"**The Ninth Millenium Item"**

**Chapter Two**

It was hours after the battles had ended, and Ammon did not look happy. Surprisingly, Dextel had done the best of the four against his opponent, Seto Kaiba. His Uraby had proved to be one fearsome beast, with a little help from a spell card, Geological Time Scale (more on this later). But, alas, all four of the Shadow Puppets had lost.

Ammon got up and spoke to the Shadow Puppets in a disconcerting voice. "You LOST! Do you know what an embarrasment this is for me, to be one of the second-rate villians of the current Duel Monsters International Evil Shadow Realm Corporation, and to come out as the status of a third-rate one! And you, Scoby, insect-lover, Jainist - though I don't know why I mention your religious affliations - to lose the duel before the Millenium Rye could even be activated!"

Scoby, quaking with fear, responded with a squeal. "If it pleaseth you, your majesty, I was duelling Maximillian Pegasus, the creator of the game, mind you."

"So? Razoul was dueling the King of Games, and he held his own! (Although it was a rather poor performance, nonetheless.) And speaking of Razoul," Ammon turns toward him. "Did I not tell you to make sure Zoole the baker wasn't the receiver of the Millenium Rye?"

"Yes, yes, you did Your Majesty."

"And what was that last card Yugi played on you?"

"Ummm...it was Hungry Burger, your Majesty."

"How very observant of you! And a person of what occupation would use a monster with 'Burger' in its name?"

"Doctor?" Dextel piped in.

"NO!"

"Scientist? Hotel Manager? Airplane Pilot? The President of the United States?" continued the hyperactive Shadow Puppet.

"No, no, no, and absolutely not!"

Minkth decided to put his two cents in the conversation. "Someone who works with food...maybe a gourmet chef, or butcher, or grocery store salesman."

"Or Ronald McDonald!" Dextel exclaimed. He loved guessing games.

"How about, a baker? Hmmm? Yes, I know they aren't big on meat, but still, there are so few cards with food-related themes that there's not a lot to make a baker-themed deck with. Now, what do I mean when I say to make sure someone does not get hold of something?"

"What kind of question is that?" Razoul wondered.

"A rhetorical and a badly-worded one, apparently. But my point is, you have messed up our chances for winning. And you know what happens if we don't win, don't you?"

"We get deported back to Siberia," Minkth said, shuddering.

"I liked it in Siberia," Dextel said dreamily. "Always so tropical and sunny, with all kinds of fine resorts for lounging around in."

"That was Jamaica, you dope," Scoby said, rather rudely. "But what I want to know is, why exactly is this Zoole the baker guy a problem for us?"

"Good question, and here's the answer. Maximillian Pegasus has a melange of hitherto-unreleased food-related cards. Why they were not released yet I cannot say. But I can say that, once someone realizes they can only hold cards in their deck that are somehow similiar to the ones they have now, Pegasus will give our other three charges some of these cards."

"Is there any way to win?" Minkth inquired.

"No, no, there's nothing we can do," Ammon said, melodramatically. "EXCEPT-"

"Except what?" Scoby asked.

"Ah, no, its too dangerous."

"I admit that I'd like to avoid danger when I can," Scoby said, "but if it's the only way we can win-"

"Now that's the spirit! And since you're volunteering, Scoby, you get to be the first person to go against the Fanfair Goblin."

"Wait! I wasn't volunteer-"

"Listen! You were the first to lose, and if you want to regain your dignity, you will do as I command! Now, the Fanfair Goblin is the keeper of the other three Millenium Items."

"Other three? I thought there were only nine," Razoul commented.

"I'm afraid not. You see, the first seven Millenium Items are all one needs to control the world. The other five are meant to aid anyone who needs to destroy the wielder of any of the original seven. The Pyramid of Light is used to keep the Egyptian Gods at bay; the Millenium Rye is used to steal the greatest and rarest cards from anyone who controls a Millenium Item."

"But Kaiba doesn't control a Millenium Item!" Minth ejaculated.

"On the contrary, Kaiba controls the Millenium Rod very well."

"What about that kid, Zane Truesdale? Since when has he held power over a Millenium Item?"

"Since he was a descendant of Ishizu."

"You mean...he can see the future?"

"Of course. How else do you think he wins all his duels? But that's insignificant at the moment. Scoby, I want you to take Portal 13. When you land, you will be in a valley with an arcadian landscape, and for some reason a large statue of the alexic Mary-Kate Olsen. Then you will meet the Fanfair Goblin. You must challenge him to a duel, with the words Erom on Slodi. He cannot speak English, Portugese, Spanish, Japanese, Slavic, or any language known to man for that matter."

"Erom on slodi? Got it!"

"Good! Now go!"

Scoby ran like hellfire, without a moment's glance behind him.

Just as Ammon had said it would be, Scoby landed in an idyllic, arcadian valley with a statue of Mary-Kate Olsen when she looked alexic. There was also a small green man wearing royal clothes nearby.

Scoby went up to this man, who asked the shadow puppet, "Quippis auri wippelungut?"

"Erom on Slodi." Scoby replied.

_"Chisum garrit tudal voman,"_ the goblin replied, pulling out a duel disk.

_"Kebeng!"_ the Fanfair goblin said, as Scoby said, "Begin!"

For the convenience of the reader, the author will not mention the goblin's speech henceforward, and Scoby will continue to speak in English, even though both player's are really only speaking through their cards.

4000/4000

The goblin goes first, summoning Feral Imp and setting two face-downs.

"My move, then! And I first play, Giant Trunade! Now all face-downs return to their opponent's hands! And now I activate the ever-coveted card, Card Destruction! Both of our hands are wiped out, and we are forced to draw cards equal to the amount discarded! Then I remove two Insect-type monsters in my Graveyard from play, in order to Special Summon Doom Dozer! Now I have my insect attack your Feral Imp, and then I end my turn, after you discard the top card from your deck."

3000/2500

The Fanfair Goblin grunts, and then plays Tribute to the Doomed. Doom Dozer is destroyed instantly, at the cost of 1 card from the goblin's hands. Then Goblin Thief is activated. Pixie Knight is summoned, and she attacks Scoby directly. After that, the Fanfair Goblin sets 1 card face-down and ends his turn.

2200/3000

"Okay, then, I'll summon Girochin Kuwagata in attack mode and attack your Pixie Knight!"

The tiny insect ripped the elf off her broomstick. The Fanfair Goblin indicated his Graveyard, to remind Scoby that he had to pick a spell for the goblin to return to his hand.

"Fine! I choose for you to return Goblin Thief to your hand! Then I set one card and that'll do it for now!"

2200/2600

Scoby's opponent summons Goblin Elite Attack Force in attack mode, then plays Goblin Thief again. Then the Fanfair Goblin activates his face-down card, Robbin' Goblin. Afterwards, the Goblin Elite attacks Girochin Kuwagata, taking out 500 of the Shadow Puppet's Life Points and forcing him to discard a random card from his hand. Then the Fanfair Goblin ends his turn.

1200/3100

"I draw, and summon Gokipon! Then I have Gokipon destroy your Goblin Elite! And that concludes my turn for now!"

The Fanfair Goblin summons Man Rehearsingfor Ceremony in attack mode.

Man Rehearsing for Ceremony

ATK: 1400 DEF: 1800  
EARTH/ Warrior  
Effect: When this monster inflicts Battle Damage to your opponent's Life Points, you can add 1 monster with 1000 ATK points or less from your Deck to your Hand.

Scoby's opponent orders his monster to attack Gokipon. The insect is destroyed, and all the effects of the cards on the field are activated: Robbin' Goblin forces Scoby to discard the only card in his hand; Man Rehearsing for Ceremony allows the goblin to draw a monster (he chooses Kozaky); and Gokipon allows the Shadow Puppet to get an Insect, and he chooses Skull-Mark Ladybug

600/3100

"Now I set one monster face down, and then I play Meteor of Destruction to take out 1000 of your Life Points! Your go!"

600/2100

The Fanfair Goblin draws and summons Coach Goblin. Knowing what the face down card is, he doesn't attack. At the End Phase he puts the Kozaky in his hand back in his deck so that he can draw a card.

"Now it's my move, and I summon Insect Knight! Then Insect Knight attacks your Coach Goblin! So much for that!" the Shadow Puppet exclaims, gleefully.

600/1400

The goblin sacrifices his Man Rehearsing for Ceremony in order to summon Amphibian Beast, but Scoby was ready for him with his Bottomless Trap Hole. To save himself, Scoby's opponent sets 1 face-down card and ends his turn.

"Now I sacrifice my face-down Skull-Mark Ladybug and my Insect Knight in order to summon Insect Queen! I get 1000 Life Points thanks to my Ladybug's effect! Then I activate my face-down card, Call of the Haunted, to revive the Insect Knight I just sacrificed! Now I have Insect Knight attack you directly with Sword Dosed with Venom!"

_"Ni bullewo jippinego!"_ the goblin exclaimed, activating his face-down, Negate Attack.

"Oh well, you won't survive the next turn."

1600/1400

The goblin sets one face-down card and ends his turn.

"Yes, you have 1 useless face-down. No matter. Insect Knight attacks it, leaving you wide open for a direct attack!" Scoby shouted.

However, the face-down card was Old Vindictive Magician, and the Fanfair Goblin chose Insect Queen as his target.

"Then go, you green bastard!"

Scoby's opponent draws, plays his card Offerings to the Doomed to destroy Insect Knight, and ends his turn.

"I summon Flying Kamakiri #2," the Shadow Puppet said triumphantly, "and have him attack you directly for game. Looks like I win!"

"Uber linsko voldo imi gold huns vansoel jimilk! Rodioni fallini voels kim voclde vidi? Dorman sheo viev sioein gosaamere billiotine jip. Jillliem kipel bunis eloeona biddille. Horilt!" With these incomprehensibile words, the Fanfair Goblin handed a cup made out of gold to the Shadow Puppet and sent him on his way. However, he did not know how to return to Ammon's palace.

"Never fear!" came a melodious voice, the source of which could not be found. 

"Who's there?"

"Why, it's I, the spirit of the Millenium Goblet which you hold in your hand. I will be your guide from now to the day you die. First, we have to get you home. And the way to do that is by kissing the belly button of that statue of Miss Olsen over there."

"You're kidding, right?" Scoby said aloud, at once putting his hand over his mouth to hide the oddity of appearing to talk to himself.

"There's nothing to be ashamed of, and no, I never kid. Just go and kiss it so that you can return home."

As he couldn't do anything else, Scoby decided to obey the spirit, and performed the gruesome task. When he opened his eyes, he was in front of Ammon, who was smiling. The shadow puppet had done something right at last.


	3. Chapter 3

"**The Ninth Millennium Item"**

**Chapter Three**

Last time, on The Ninth Millenium Item: Ammon sent the Shadow Puppet Scoby through Portal 13 to win the Millenium Goblet from the Fanfair Goblin. Scoby was very successful, and we left him as he returned home.

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It was the day after Scoby had brought his master the Millenium Goblet, and the room was a mess from the previous night's feasting. Razoul was snoring loudly, Dextel was singing like a canary (and I mean that quite literally) in his sleep, Ammon was cozing with a couple of slatterns, and Scoby was resting with a smile of peaceful bliss. Only Minkth was active, but he was very disturbed.

He knew that he would be the next to find another Millenium Item, but he didn't think his deck was ready. He knew precisely what would happen if he failed, and it wasn't pleasant.

Something caught the Shadow Puppet's eye as he took a glance around the room. A loose card was lying on the floor under a bag of Lays brand potato chips. Minth glided over to it and lifted it in his palm.

It was Ocean Dragon Lord - Neo Daedelus, a card that had no use to Minkth and his fairy deck. What is more, he did not think there was a Levia Dragon in the house, which made the card absolutely useless.

He went over to the card album just to check to make sure, but he was wrong. A very shiny Levia Dragon awaited him, as did a Tribe-Infecting Virus and a Mobius the Frost Monarch. Dare he take them?

Just as Minkth closed the card album, Ammon awoke with a loud yawn. The two girls, Lada and Chirse, ran out of the apartment giggling.

"What is this mess!?!" Ammon shrieked. Then he saw the Millenium Goblet. "Oh yeah, right."

He thought for a moment, then shouted, "WAKE UP YOU FOOLS! I have enough troubles without discovering that my minions like to arise after I do!"

Dextel grunted as he awoke, then said happily, "Are we having pancakes for breakfast?"

"No, we're not having pancakes! Who do you think I am, the Pillsbury Dough Boy?"

"No, I think you're Santa Claus!"

Ammon slapped his face in dismay.

"So what are we having for breakfast?" Razoul wondered.

"Absolutely nothing. We're dieting."

"We are? If I had known that I would've eaten four three-layer cakes last night," Dextel said.

"Then you would be as fat as a pumpkin right now. But we have other matters to attend to."

"Such as?"

"The next Millenium item! And the perfect one to retrieve it is Minkth."

"Yes, Master. I won't let you down," the Shadow Puppet replied.

"Good. Now, the opponent you're going to be battling speaks an unknown language, just like the Fanfair Goblin."

"Do I need to say 'Erom on slodi' just like Scoby?"

"No, because this new challenger speaks an entirely different language and would not understand that. Besides, I'm giving you this!" Ammon extended a pendant-like contraption to Minkth's outstretched hand.

"Great! What is it?"

"It's a Language Translator! No matter what language different people speak, they can understand each other if one of them is wearing this!"

"Hey, wait a sec," Scoby felt cheated. "If you had one of those why didn't you give it to me?"

"Because I don't like you, you're a loser, and I'd rather see you falter!"

"Then what do you keep me around for?"

Ammon ignored this question. "Okay, to Portal 14 Minkth, and we wish you the best of luck!"

"I don't," Scoby muttered.

Minkth went on his way, and disappeared in a flash of light.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

When he landed at his destination, he saw he was standing at the top of a 700-foot tall castle.

Across from him stood a man whose skin was purple and whose yellow veins flashed from within him. "HelloI am Zorgrath."

"Are you my opponent?" Minkth wondered.

"Why no; I'm not your opponent. But he will be arriving shortly. In fact, here he comes now."

What Minkth took for an eagle moments before flew down to the castle top.

Landing smoothly, the new creature turned toward the Shadow Puppet.

"Let's make this brief. I'm Sillus, and it's time to duel!"

4000/4000

"I'll go first, if you don't mind," Sillus said, grinning broadly. "And I summon Magician of Faith in attack mode! Then I set one card face-down, after which I end my turn!"

"Good! Now I summon Dancing Fairy, and have him attack your monster!"

"You can't! Dancing Fairy has Summoning Sickness!"

"Huh?"

"He thinks this is _Duel Masters_ not Duel Monsters," Zorgrath supplied.

"Well, what ev. My monster still attacks."

The Dancing Fairy sent its magic to destroy the Magician of Faith, but Sillus activated a Quick-play Spell card.

"Book of Moon! Now Magician of Faith goes into face-down Defense mode. Then your attack flips it face-up, allowing me to pull one spell from my Grave."  
'

"Yes, but there's no point! All you get back is Book of Moon. What a lousy move."

"Whatever, it's my go. And I summon Neo Swordsman! Break his shields!"

"This is not Duel Masters!"

"Well, then, he'll just attack your fairy."

"But that'll destroy them both!"

"Big deal!" Sillus shouted defiantly. And after that, he set two face-down cards and ended his turn.

"My move."

"Wait," said Zorgrath. "I have something to tell you."

"What?"

"You both are an integral part of me."

"What's he barking about?" Minkth asked.

"I'm saying that I need you all back in my body to become whole again. So that I can once again be free to terrorize the world. As long as you both remain free, I must stay here, with no liberty. Whoever loses this duel will become a part of me again."

"You're joking, right?" Minkth said.

"Oh no. You see, Sillus is my nonsense side, my humerus, my funny bone. Without him I cannot but be serious, nor can I smile. As for you, you are a Shadow Puppet, meaning you were created from a shadow, namely mine. And there's one more who has yet to join the party."

When Zorgrath finished this speech, they heard a scraping sound. Someone was climbing the castle.

Ere long, a female's face appeared. She had jet-black hair, though she was not exceptionally beautiful.

"Hiya, all!"

"And that is Krissa, my feminine side." A jet of spidery thread emitted from Zorgrath's hand at this time, trapping everyone present. "Now, none of you will be free to go until someone faces me and wins. But that's not happening."

Minkth was very scared at this point, knowing he'd really have to play his best if he wished to live.


	4. Chapter 4

"**The Ninth Millenium Item"**

**Chapter Four**

"Who's there?" Pegasus looked around his office. "I could've sworn—"

He turned around, and gasped in horror. There was a dirty baker standing there, with a loaf of bread in his hand.

"Are you a Pegasus? You don't look like a horse with wings to me," Zoole said, as a matter of greeting.

"You've been watching too many Disney animated films."

"No, I've been _living_ too many Disney animated films. I just got rejected by Ariel and Mulan, both stellar pulchritudes. My conscious is Jiminy Cricket, and my favorite drink is Herculade."

"Okay, enough details of your personal life. Just tell me what you want, and get your loaf out of here."

"I desire all your food-related cards that have yet to be released."

"They will come out next September, in a set called _Cuisine of the Duelist._ You can wait like every other chap in the dueling world."

"I don't think it's a good idea to wait. Jiminy tells me I must have them now, or the whole world will go defunct."

"Do I think I care what some imaginary character said to you?"

"Who dares question my reality?" called a tiny green figure from the ground, holding a purple bumbershoot.

Pegasus saw the cricket and wore an incredulous expression on his face. "Fine then, the world will go defunct. But do you comprehend what you're asking? The food-based cards are the most powerful cards that ever existed, if used properly."

"So you'll give them to me?"

"On one condition: you must secure a date for me with Cinderella."

"Deal."

Back at the duel, Minkth mustered up the courage to use all he had in defeating Sillus.

"I summon the Peanut Fairy!" A three-foot fairy who looked like the mascot for Planter's without the eyeglass, was now on the field. It had tiny wings sticking out of its back as well. "The Peanut Fairy attacks you directly!"

4000/2700

"Now I equip Peanut Fairy with Asher Rod & Reel! This handy-dandy spell card prevents him from being destroyed in battle."

Sillus yawned. "Yes, a vanilla monster always requires an equip. Speaking of vanilla, I wish I had some chocolate syrup right about now."

"Whatever for?"

"Never you mind. Its my move, and I activate my trap card, Cartoon Hammer!"

"What does it do?"

"It turns Peanut Fairy into a toon."

"But there's no Toon World on the Field!" Minkth shouted, suspecting legerdemain on Sillus' part.

"Exactly!"

A giant mallet the size of Neptune fell from the sky and smothered Peanut Fairy. When it was removed, the fairy now looked like a cartoon character, with a goofy grin. Then he withered away.

"Now that you have no monsters on the field, I'm free to summon Mataza the Zapper in attack mode. I have it attack you directly."

2700/2700

"If that isn't enough, Mataza has a special ability, which permits it to attack you a second time."

1400/2700

"Then I end my turn," Sillus said.

"I remove two monsters with LIGHT attributes from my Grave, in order to special summon Chaos Fairy from the Devon Seas!"

A monster with black and blue markings on a tan body, with fluorescent wings, was summoned to the field.

"First, the effect of my monster kicks in. One equip in my Graveyard is returned to my Hand, and of course I choose Asher Rod & Reel. And now, Chaos Fairy attacks Mataza the Zapper!"

1400/2100

"Your turn, Sillus."

"I summon Cwazy Rabbit, which allows me to Special Summon Blue Eyes Baby Dragon!"

Cwazy Rabbit looked like Bugs Bunny with a pirate's patch over his eye and carrots for legs. His ears were made of lettuce. Blue Eyes Baby was a three-foot tall version of its parent, with a mischievous grin and sparkling eyes.

"By giving up five hundred life points, I have Blue Eyes Baby attack you directly!"

0100/1600

"Back to you, Shadow Puppet."

"Unless you have something to protect Cwazy Rabbit, you're about to lose this duel, Sillus. Your monster only has 300 ATK, which means you'll lose 1600 when my monster strikes it, and that's all you have left. Chaos Fairy, attack the rabbit with Atlantic Superduster!"

Zorgrath saw that Sillus was about to spring a trap. "Don't do it," he warned, with a stern stare.

Sillus did not obey; he wanted to win. "Activate Mirror Force!"

Chaos Fairy was sent to the Graveyard, before she could do any damage.

Minkth could not do anything. He ended his turn, knowing all hope was lost.

But Zorgrath seemed to be on the Shadow Puppet's side, for he caused Sillus to forget that he was playing Duel Monsters.

"I tap Blue Eyes White, causing him to break two shields," Sillus said through his delirium.

"Will he stop with the Duel Masters rubbish?" Minkth asked aloud.

"Your move, Minkth."

The Shadow Puppet activated Change of Heart, to take control of Blue Eyes Baby. Then he sacrificed the dragon, in order to summon Violent Angel. This monster actually appeared to be of the DARK attribute, even though it was a fairy. Its eyes were the color of blood, and its skin was as black as night. It held a sword of fire, which it brandished back and forth, calling to mind the story of Eden.

"Violent Angel, attack Cwazy Rabbit!"

0100/0000

"I win!"

"Yes, and Sillus loses. Which means that his body will be reabsorbed into mine."

This procedure was done abruptly. Sillus turned into a glowing orb, and traveled at the speed of light toward Zorgrath. When all traces of Sillus were completely gone, Zorgrath breathed a sigh of relief.

"Now my humerus has returned. I can make jokes again. But now its time for serious matters," he said. "I will now duel Krissa, my feminine side. If she wins, she goes free. If not, she'll follow Sillus. You, my dear Shadow Puppet, can remain a spectator."

Turning to face Krissa, Zorgrath pulled out his deck and Duel Disk. "Let's commence!"

4000/4000

Back at Ammon's headquarters, Dextel was working with complex numbers on a sketchpad. Suddenly, he exclaimed, "Hey, guys! I just found the end of infinity!"

Scoby gazed incredulously at his fellow Shadow Puppet. "You realize that that's impossible, right?"

"But I have the data here to prove it!"

"And, pray tell, what _is _the end of infinity?"

"90, 462, 811, 766."

"That's ridiculous! Have you never heard of trillions, and quadrillions, and nonillions, and all the rest?"

"They don't exist. The number I've stated is as far as you can possibly go. There is no such thing as 90, 462, 811, 767."

"Okay, if you say so."

Ammon was staring at his clock. "I wonder what's taking Minkth so long. I was sure he'd be back by now."

"I know what we can do to pass the time," Dextel offered.

"What?"

"We could go buy a urinal, turn it on its side, and call it 'art'!"

"It's already been done."

"It has? How come I've never heard of it?"

"In the twentieth century, Marcel Duchamp bought a urinal, signed it 'R. Mutt,' and took it to a museum. He was a Dada artist, which prized itself in exalting found objects, such as coal shovels and tooth brushes," Ammon informed his Shadow Puppet.

"I think I'll go check on Minkth," Scoby said. "Give him moral support, you know."

"That's a great idea! Why didn't we think of it before?"

"Because we're all incredibly slow and we don't like each other."

"Best answer I've heard in years!" Ammon said. "Now what are you waiting for? Go!"

Scoby went to Portal 14 without further ado.

Zorgrath was defeating Krissa badly when Scoby arrived on the scene. He was just about to deal the finishing blow.

"Phoenix Turtle destroys your Blade Knight, and you lose the duel!"

4000/0000

Minkth was quivering. He had never in his life seen a duelist win without losing a single life point.

"It's okay brother. I'm here," Scoby said, revealing himself.

Minkth hugged the other Shadow Puppet, the latter of whom was frowning behind the back of the former.

"Watch what's about to happen," Minkth said, his fear not abated one iota.

Krissa turned into a pink orb, though her data took a lot longer to process than did Sillus'. Finally, the orb floated towards Zorgrath, who opened his mouth wide to receive it. His jaws were awfully gargantuan compared to the size you'd imagine them to be.

Minkth shivered. Scoby turned to him "I have just the thing to help you win," he said.

Pulling out Towers of the Rising Sun, a field spell that made all FIRE monsters 500 points weaker, Scoby handed it to Minkth.

"Do you really think this will help?" Minkth asked him.

"Sure it will, if Zorgrath focuses mainly on FIRE monsters. But that's not all I have."

The next card Scoby gave the other Shadow Puppet was Chain of Bonding Ring. This card could be very powerful if used properly. However, Scoby knew very well that Minkth would not know how to use it.

Scoby was hoping that Minkth would fail, big time.


End file.
